Its another rousing rendition of the little ditty we have all come to know as ... Not Me! Monday ...
I assure you I did not read a scary book last night that had me thinking every creak was a monster on the stairs. Laugh if you must but I challenge you to read "The House of Lost Souls" by F.G. Cottam and not hear things going bump in the night.
I did not allow the kids to sleep in well past the normal wake up time. And after doing this I did not have to drive my son to school. Where I did not curse the debacle that is the carpool lane.
I did not go to Marshalls to buy something for my husband only to end up with something for Molly and I as well.
I do not plan to tell the kids it is bedtime earlier than normal and take advantage of the rain making it dark early.
I am not much of an outside person -- what with all the bugs and fresh air. Jake is like me in that respect. Molly, on the other hand, has already asked me at 8:30 a.m. this morning (before my second cup of coffee) if we can go out. She wants to be outside any chance she can get. I was in a giving mood yesterday so I caved to her incessant begging to go outside. We then had this impromptu lesson on worms and toads.
The world's largest worm discovered in our garage.
We relocated it to the flower bed (or weed bed)
Then we found a toad in our garage. We moved it outside too. After seeing if the dog would eat it or carry it around on her back. She wouldn't.
All in all, it was a good day for us and the frog.
You know how when you buy a certain car, you suddenly start seeing it all over the road. It is like everyone and their mother's aunt's dog's sitter is driving one.
Well I have discovered the same is for pregnant women. I am probably a tad feeling sorry for myself. But it seems like I can hold my arms out without hitting a pregnant belly. College friend, due on my original due date. Sister-in-law, due on my adjusted due date.
I'd be almost 12 weeks -- ready for the second trimester with a little pouch and the beginnings of movement. Instead I am in the middle of my first post-miscarriage AF with little more in my belly than some Indian food (albeit good Indian food).
I am trying to move away from posting about the miscarriage all the time and having that become the focus of this blog. But please excuse this little foray into self-pity. I swear its momentary.
There is no point in wasting precious brain cells worrying over the recycling and garbage that needs to be taken out for Garbage Day (which is Thursday) when today is actually Wednesday. Your husband will look at you funny when you tell him to take out the garbage because -- you guessed it -- today is Wednesday.
There is no way that I ran out of eggs and had to drag myself to the store before our first MOPS meeting of the new year to get my "homemade" muffins. And I certainly didn't tell a co-leader that maybe I didn't want to be a leader ... before the first meeting even started.
I certainly don't have 10 books from the library on my nightstand ... and I didn't add more to it this afternoon. I also didn't think to myself that we need to find a new branch because we've read all the good books. Its not like we read six books every night.
And I am not going to look at a new car this evening that would officially make me a "Mini-van Mom". Not me, I am too cool for that.
"I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty."
Book of Ruth, 1:21
When I get to Heaven, I will have so many questions for God. At the top of the list will be why do babies and little children have to die. My dear friend Katina lost her long-awaited daughter Rachel at 26 weeks. I don't understand and I am trying to rest in knowing that He does.
Please, if you can, keep Katina and her family in your thoughts and prayers.
Jake kept complaining he didn't feel good. He said his stomach ached and he did look a little pale. We were driving home and he says he has to vomit. Which he does -- all down the side of the car. After he is done, he says "Okay I can eat pizza now!"
Then we get home and the dog gobbles her food and drinks her water too fast. She makes a beeline to the door which means she is gonna spew. She gets outside, does her thing. I decide I want to hose it away. Start gagging as I do it and then gag so hard that I pee.
So there ya go.
P.S. Totally unrelated but when writing the title I was immediately reminded of this song ...
That means the chance of you knowing someone who has had a miscarriage is high. Yet most women suffer alone because miscarriage is often a silent grief. There is only room in the pregnancy picture for happy women who go on to deliver happy babies.
But that is not always reality. About What Was Lost is a collection of essays from women who have experienced a miscarriage. The essays are powerful and ugly and real. I found myself wanting to underline almost every paragraph because what the writer said so greatly resounded with me. From the descriptions of the clinical and detached manner of some obstetricians (I am sorry but I don't want to hear my experience described as an "abortion" regardless of what your textbooks call it) to the people who mean well but hurt much with their cliched comments ("at least you know you can get pregnant").
Even if you haven't experienced a loss, I think you can take something from this book. Perhaps it will help you better understand a friend's grief.
I got my first call of the year from school - and it is only the second day. Fortunately, it was a minor lunch issue BUT I can't tell you how my stomach clenched seeing the familiar number show up in the caller ID. Its a reminder that a.) I don't have a "typical" student in the school system and b.) there will be more calls in the next 178 days of school.
Why is there uproar over President Obama speaking to students? I understand it is a political move to gain support for him -- but isn't that what presidents do? And really why should it make me upset that he wants to encourage kids to stay in school. The horror of it!
School starts again on Tuesday. Summer will officially be over for the kids and I. So when I look back at this summer, what will I remember? A cooler than usual summer. Sleeping in and staying up late. Our annual trip to Myrtle Beach with friends. Finding a shark's tooth in the sand. Evening drinks with the neighbors. Swims in the pool. The absolute joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test. The crushing heart break of seeing your little one's heart stop beating before their first breath.
So much good and so much bad in just over two months. I wouldn't change a second of it all.
I like to talk. I have two kids -- Jake and Molly (aka Moo). My husband is Dave. I hate bees. I was born and raised in the Motor City (really THE city, not the 'Burbs). Now I live amongst the soccer Moms and McMansions. This blog is about my life and whatever random thought pops into my head.