Tonight, Jacob has the opportunity to spend the night at camp. He, surprisingly, is wanting to do it. He tends to be a bit of a "mama's boy" at times -- he cries if I am not there to read to him before bed. So this is a big step -- dare I say a glimpse of his burgeoning independence? Ack. I don't know if I am ready to let him go. I know its cliche to say but I swear it was just yesterday that he was just a chubby toddler. And what about his promise to live with me forever and sleep in my bed until he is 25? (Yes, I know .. its a little weird ... but he was so earnest in saying it.)
Jacob and I have an extremely close relationship. Perhaps its because he was my first child and for almost three years it was just him. He was the one who divided my life into pre-motherhood and motherhood. Perhaps its our shared interests. We both love computers and reading. We can both be stubborn and will only dig in deeper the more you push us.
I really don't know what it is but I find his growing up to be so hard. I want him to find his own way but at the same time I don't want to let go of him. I don't plan to become one of those obsessive Moms -- I promise I will push him out of the nest long before he is 25. But sometimes I wish I could stop time for just a minute so that we can cuddle longer and read more stories together. Because today I got a glimpse of that not-so-distant future when I will no longer be the center of his universe.
(And this is the post my future daughter-in-law will point to when she tells him why she can't stand me, LOL.)
Thursday, June 18, 2009
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2 comments:
This is my new saying
"Don't be sad that it is over, be happy that it happened"
As I am moving into a new chapter having my first born turning 18 this year. *sniff.
But I look back with no regret...I've been enjoying every part of the journey so far.....and know I will continue to do so, no matter what!
And if this makes you feel any better, my 6 ft 3 tattooed, pierced boy still asks for hugs from his mama and will jump in our bed to watch TV all the time.
I hear you!
My daughter just turned six.
Sunday, my baby will turn four.
It breaks my heart and even though I try, everyday I become closer to being "that mom".
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