Book #3 of 2010 ... or How I Almost Lost My Mind.

My third book of the new year is ...

"Hillbilly Gothic" by Adrienne Martini

Let me preface my review of Martini's memoir of her battle with postpartum depression with my own tale. In February 2002, I was nine months pregnant and anxiously awaiting the arrival of my first child (now known as Jacob). I had many delusions about parenting that are common to those who actually have no idea what it means to be a parent. I had dreams about blissful days filled with leisurely walks and a cooing, content little baby.

What I got was a screaming, red-faced (albeit adorable) little guy and my own personal descent into Hell. If Jacob was awake, he was crying or otherwise making his miserableness known to anyone within a one mile radius. (Seriously ... my neighbors later told me they considered not having kids after hearing the sounds coming from our house.) I was a sleepless wreck. Add to it a decent case of postpartum depression where thankfully instead of turning on my son I decided two things were wrong in my life: breastfeeding and the help from my husband (or lack thereof). I stopped nursing and for all intensive purposes my husband "checked out".

I imagine living with a wife who could turn from placid (not happy, just there) to raging maniac was not an ideal situation for him. I also know he was overwhelmed by the fact that our life was upended. (Truth be told, my husband enjoys being the center of my attention -- a place that for good or bad was replaced by a needy, crying newborn.) It took a good year for my family to get itself righted again (it certainly helped that around ten months Jacob decided to sleep for more than two hour stretches AND we figured out he had reflux.)

So all this background is to say I could understand Martini's experience one hundred percent. Even down to coming from a family where both mental illness and the associated evils run rampant. (My father is a bipolar alcoholic with a penchant for gambling away ... oh mortgage and federal tax payments. He comes from a long line of alcoholics with mental illness. Lucky me, I won the genetic lottery!)

Martini's account of her Appalachian background and family's mental illness is not pretty. Her own descent into "madness" actually made me physically hurt for her. That's not to say she sets herself up to be pitied. Far from it. She recognizes that her story is a common one and because there is still a stigma associated with all mental illness, especially postpartum depression and its darker sister postpartum psychosis, it is a necessary story.

I can't say that I recommend this book to everyone - its a tough story to read. But if you do choose to read it I don't think you will be disappointed (and you might even be a little more understanding for having read it).

I married Grizzly Adams!

Dave and a co-worker decided to grow beards over the holidays. The fur growing on Dave's face started back around Thanksgiving. I don't mind though Jake thinks it is too scratchy. Dave and aforementioned co-worker intend to shave off their beards (at some point) and go with a mustache for a week. That I won't like.

So for now, I sleep* with Grizzly Adams.

* Not entirely true since usually I sleep with the kids and he sleeps on the couch bed but that's a dysfunction for another day.

This was not my intent ... Book #2 of 2010

I didn't mean to have back-to-back posts about books I have read. And since I am battling the after effects of a migraine my thoughts on the book aren't running beyond "it was good". Sorry.

"There's No Place Like Here" by Cecelia Ahren

Since Sandy Shortt's childhood classmate disappeared twenty years ago, Sandy has been obsessed with missing things. Finding what is lost becomes her single-minded goal--from the lone sock that vanishes in the washing machine to the car keys she misplaced. It's no surprise, then, that Sandy's life's work becomes finding people who have vanished from their loved ones. Sandy's family is baffled and concerned by her increasing preoccupation. Her parents can't understand her compulsion, and she pushes them away further by losing herself in the work of tracking down these missing people. She gives up her life in order to offer a flicker of hope to devastated families ... and escape the disappointments of her own.

Jack Ruttle is one of those devastated people. It's been a year since his brother Donal vanished into thin air, and he has enlisted Sandy Shortt to find him. But before she is able to offer Jack the information he so desperately needs, Sandy goes missing too...and Jack now finds himself searching for his brother and the one woman who understood his pain.

One minute Sandy is jogging through the park, the next, she can't figure out where she is. The path is obscured. Nothing is familiar. A clearing up ahead reveals a camp site, and it's there that Sandy discovers the impossible: she has inadvertently stumbled upon the place-- and people--she's been looking for all her life, a land where all the missing people go. A world away from her loved ones and the home she ran from for so long, Sandy soon resorts to her old habit again, searching. Though this time, she is desperately trying to find her way home...

I love the concept that the things we lose in life -- pens, socks and even people -- have all found their way to a place of lost things. That the people who find themselves there set up their own society with established rules makes it even more fascinating.

Now if I could just visit temporarily to get that darn gift certificate I lost back in December 1998, I could get Dave off my back.

Happy Reading in 2010

I am going to try and keep track of the books I read throughout 2010. Hopefully will it not only fulfill my OCD need to keep lists of things - but perhaps you will discover a book you might want to read. Or not read depending on the review.

So my first book of 2010 (finished just short of midnight on January 1) is ...

"The Heroines" by Eileen Favorite

I loved this book! While the ending leaves you wondering "how would that happen" the whole book is based on a fantastical premise anyway - so why not!

Penny lives with her mother in their bed and breakfast in rural Illinois. She has never known her father but is told he was a high school football star who died at 17 never knowing he had a daughter. Hard enough for a young girl but her life is further complicated by the unusual guests of their bed and breakfast -- heroines from various novels throughout history.

While the mental hospital scenes are disturbing, it was necessary to provide some fragility to Penny's character. Penny is - in effect - one of the heroines who visit the house. And aren't all heroines at some point driven to brink of sanity? She stands in strong contrast to her mother who seems to be a passive bystander of all the events. (Except, of course, until the end when the reasoning for her passivity is explained.)

A lot of reviews I read complained that the heroines weren't utilized enough. I say hogwash. Their presence was there to merely further Penny's story. She is the heroine of this novel, not them. I say if you want to know more about them, read the original books in which they appear.

Is this where I ...

... bore you to tears with my resolutions, goals and visions for 2010?

Let's see I would like to swear less, like people more, be more patient with my kids (or find an Rx that gives me medicated patience), the typical lose some poundage and if I have some extra time possibly discover the solution to world peace.

Sounds about right.

The last post for 2009 ...

Here's hoping 2010 treats us better than this last year.

New Year's Eve Day

Spent the day tubing at Pando ...

What do you think?

How do you like the new design?*

*You better say you love it because it cost me money. Money I could have spent on other things like vanilla NF/SF lattes from Starbucks or a new book from Amazon. But it is all about making you -- the reader (note use of singular pronoun) -- happy. Your welcome.

Free is good.

Just because ...

Sign up and you can get a free bottle of One A Day gummi vitamins to try.
Smile.ly—Be Heard. Be Happy.

The aftermath ...

All that time preparing and it is over in minutes ...

Merry Christmas Eve!

'Twas the ...

'Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, the creatures were stirring and ... Mommy already needs a drink.

A musical interlude ...

Not Me! Monday!

I did not offer to watch my neighbor's dog only to have her poop on my carpet the second she got into my house. Nope, didn't happen to me! (Truthfully, the dog doesn't bother me at all. She is 14 years old and these things happen. One day I will be 98 years old and I might have bowel issues too.)

I did not have a relative spend a great deal of time making it clear he or she likes me about as much as the above mentioned dog poop. Nope, not me! All my relatives think I am sweeter than sugar and nicer than pie.

I am not dreading the next two weeks of Christmas vacation. I am sure the kids and I will have a lovely time together. (If not, I have several bottles of wine to help me through it.)

So what about you? What are you NOT doing today?

P.S. Four days to Christmas! Yikes.

Christmas Season

This picture pretty much sums up the Christmas season - a flurry of activity. By January 2, it all seems like a blur.

Food, that's what I want!

The funny thing about being on Weight Watchers is that I obsess over food even more than I did when I ate whatever I wanted. I think it brings out my obsessive nature. I am way more excited about tabulating and recording every morsel than I probably should be. Red wine = two points. Five glasses of red wine = 10 points and a massive headache the next morning.

So, you ask, what is the point of the above paragraph. Nothing. I just needed a little segue way into posting the following recipe. ;)

There are many Polish treats that I love but unfortunately don't make myself. Chrusciki is one of my absolute favorite sweet treats but I can't remember the last time I had them. I know it is hard to get them to just the right doneness -- slightly crispy and not overally greasy. But the end results are a simple but yummy treat.

• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 3 egg yolks
• 3 tablespoons dairy sour cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon vodka, whiskey or vinegar (I don't remember that ingredient!)
  
• Pinch of salt
• Vegetable shortening or oil for deep frying
• Enough powdered sugar to dust the cookies / pastries with

Place the flour in a large bowl: make a well in the center. Add the egg yolks and rub in with the fingers until combined (or pulse in the food processor until you get the same result. NB: if you're doing this in the processor, use the plastic blade, not the steel one). Add all the other ingredients except the confectioners' / powdered sugar, and blend well. On a lightly floured work surface, knead the mixture for a good long while into a smooth dough. You need to trap as much air in the dough as you can during this process. If kneading by hand, just keep repeating a pattern of folding the dough, flattening it, folding again, flattening it, for at least half an hour. If using a mixer with a dough hook, knead for at least fifteen minutes. You should be able to see at least some little air bubbles in the dough.

Wrap in plastic wrap / cling film and allow to rest in the refrigerator for twenty minutes / half an hour. (You can let it rest overnight if you like.)

When ready to fry, roll out 1/16th inch thick. Slice into 1 1/2-inch wide strips. Cut the strips diagonally into 5-inch lengths. In each strip, cut a one-inch slit the long way, in the middle of the strip. Pull one end of the strip through the slit so that it looks kind of like a bowtie.

Heat the frying oil to 375F / 190C, or until a 1-inch bread cube turns golden brown in 50 seconds. Deep fry the strips in small batches until they turn light golden, turning once. Drain on paper towels and allow to cool. Dust with confectioners' sugar. (Recipe courtesy of European Cuisines online.)

If you decide to make some, feel free to send some to me -- Weight Watchers be damned!

French braids and ponies and pigtails ... oh my!

I was apprehensive about having a daughter for a host of reasons but one of the main ones was having to do her hair. I can barely make my mop look presentable and I was going to be expected to maintain another person's hair? Yikes. So that's why when I do something beyond the ordinary brushing out the snarls, it is picture worthy.

Behold ...

I did a good job, if I don't say so myself. Hopefully this makes up for the state of her hair the other 360 or so days.

Come on in!

I decided to take part in the Nester's Christmas Tour of Homes this year. If you want to participate, hop on over and visit the site. 

Welcome to our holiday home ...

Please warm yourself by the fire ...

I do think the tree looks rather festive ... the blue ornament is a new one.

 

This one is a special one -- sent by a friend to remember our angel ...

Molly has been asking for a nutcracker decoration so I found this one at Marshalls. It is dual purpose - it holds some of our extra special cards. 

Hope you enjoyed the tour! Stop by again soon.

Why is it that?

If the pants fit my bottom, its inevitable the length is too long? I'd like to blame designers who make clothes for people who are 5'8 and 120 pounds. But reality tells me I need to blame potato chips and wine.

People say dumb stuff ...

I was thisclose to having to write this post from a cold jail cell. Someone said something to me that was so utterly stupid and mean that I was actually dumbfounded. I know, hard to believe but sometimes I can't talk.* Had I not been frozen in both mind and mouth, I might have hurtled myself across the room and pummeled them. (Let's just say it is was something in the "Ten Things You Don't Say to People Who Have Had a Miscarriage".) 

* Unlike the unfortunate "Cornbread Incident" of 2001 in Nashville where I did in fact run my mouth. But that's a story for another day.

Not Me! Monday!

Of course I am not already regretting getting a real Christmas tree for the first time in five years -- less than 24 hours after bringing it into our home. Not me! I am just SO happy about the thousands of needles already on the floor and the rash spreading across my hands. Nothing says Christmas cheer like a pine tree allergy!

Of course, I am also not kind of hoping for another snow day for the kids. Not me! They get on my ever-loving last nerve when we are stuck together all day. Its not at all nice to know we have no where to be and nothing to do but relax.

Of course, I didn't panic when standing on in front of Macy's on State Street at 8 p.m. in Chicago amidst a crowd of hundreds, I couldn't find Jacob. Not me! I knew he was standing behind me even though I yelled out "Jacob" several times and was already planning on running towards the police officers on the corner. I did hug and kiss him ... repeatedly.

 

What about you? What did you NOT do today?

Chicago weekend

My final post ...

Dear Reader,

This is my final post. Perhaps this is my final moment of life. Because when my dear husband comes home to find I have broken the Christmas cookie jar lovingly purchased by his Grandma B all those years ago -- let's just say it won't be pretty.

So its been real and all. I appreciate you dropping by.

Signed,
Soon to Be Gone

(Think he'll notice ...)

I am here.

Been out of town for over a week and I have nothing brilliant to say to you all. I am sure inspiration will strike soon and I will be back. Until then ... miss me. And enjoy a picture or two ...

Riddle me this ...

I don't understand the concept of spending money to have someone tell you how to save money. A friend of mine is a big proponent of Savings Angel . And I am no way critiquing her use of it -- she really does seem to make it work for her. But I have looked at the website and I don't get it. I mean I get it but I don't know why I'd want to shell out $20 for someone to tell me where to get a coupon. Plus most of their "success" stories show piles upon piles pre-packaged crap. And while I love my Ho-Ho's as much as the next person, I want to know how to save money on stuff that's actually GOOD for my family.

On another tangent ... is there a new 11th Commandment that states: "All Christians shall follow Dave Ramsey"? I am going to pay money for his videos, books, lectures, etc. -- so he can tell me how to save money? Contradictory much? Meanwhile Ramsey is becoming a fat cat off of all the people Americans who can't figure out saving money is better than spending money. Here's some advice for free: STOP SPENDING MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE! There ya go. I just saved you from having to buy anything from Ramsey.

If you are looking for some good FREE advice on how to save money, here are a few websites I frequent:

Money Savings Mom
STL Mommy
Freebies 4 Mom

Jacob meets his favorite author ...

We traveled to Battle Creek on Thursday evening so Jacob could meet his favorite author and illustrator Mark Crilley. Jacob acted a little shy but he was really thrilled to meet him. (Even though the picture might have you thinking otherwise.)

Unlike a certain "author" (ahemkategosselinahem) I met last year, Mark was extremely gracious and personable. He knows how to hold the interest and attention of his audience regardless of their age. And he genuinely seems to appreciate that you want to read his books.

If you have a child who likes to read adventure stories -- especially humorous ones that take place in outer space -- check out Mark's Akiko series.  Jake is reading the series for the second time around - he liked it that much. And I find it just as entertaining as he does which makes it bedtime reading a lot easier. 

P.S. Mark also has a manga series called Miki Falls that might appeal to an older child or teen.

Life's lemons ...

are tomorrow's lemonade. Right?

Well frankly I am sick of lemons and I don't want to make any lemonade. Yes, my friends, this is another edition of Jen's Pity Party. I will be honest in saying I don't cling to God as tightly as I should in these moments.

I'm trying.

Morning person am not I

I am not fully human until I ingest at least one cup of coffee in the morning. It takes me close to an hour to finish that cup of coffee. (I am also very, very slow in the morning.) Until that point, I like to keep my human interaction down to the lowest level.

Really, in a perfect world, I would be left alone until at least 10:30 a.m. This not being a perfect world, I am forced to get two kids ready for the day. Two kids who when their feet hit the floor instantaneously turn into bouncing, talking and otherwise active little beings. How I produced such morning people will forever remain a mystery to me (I blame their father).

Land Shark ... A Monday giggle ...

One of my all time favorite Saturday Night Live skits ...

(No YouTube copy of it, sorry.)

http://www.videosift.com/video/Plumber-Maam?fromdupe=Saturday-Night-Live-Land-Shark

(I admit to having an irrational fear of sharks. There have been no truly substantiated cases of sharks making their way into the Great Lakes BUT just in case, I will stick to pools.

In the immortal words of Cole Porter ... "Give me pool, lots of pool and the chlorinated waves! Don't make me swim (in a lake)!")

Five years ago today ...

A little peanut came into the world  ...

She was due to arrive on Christmas Eve but decided that All Saints Day was a better option. She weighed four pounds, 8 ounces and was 18 inches long. From the start, Miss Molly has done things her way and in her time.

Happy Birthday sweet, beautiful girl!