Take heed ...

Little known cooking advice from Julia Child: Do not leave dinner on counter and leave 90-pound Lab alone with it. Half your dinner will disappear.

The seal has been broken ...

I got my first call of the year from school - and it is only the second day. Fortunately, it was a minor lunch issue BUT I can't tell you how my stomach clenched seeing the familiar number show up in the caller ID. Its a reminder that a.) I don't have a "typical" student in the school system and b.) there will be more calls in the next 178 days of school.

First day of school!

Here is to a good year for Jacob!

Explain it to me like I am stupid ...

Why is there uproar over President Obama speaking to students? I understand it is a political move to gain support for him -- but isn't that what presidents do? And really why should it make me upset that he wants to encourage kids to stay in school. The horror of it!

How was your summer?

School starts again on Tuesday. Summer will officially be over for the kids and I. So when I look back at this summer, what will I remember? A cooler than usual summer. Sleeping in and staying up late. Our annual trip to Myrtle Beach with friends. Finding a shark's tooth in the sand. Evening drinks with the neighbors. Swims in the pool. The absolute joy of seeing a positive pregnancy test. The crushing heart break of seeing your little one's heart stop beating before their first breath.

So much good and so much bad in just over two months. I wouldn't change a second of it all.

Quite possibly, I have an issue ...

In one year, I have read about 170 novels.

Notes from a disgruntled reader ...

A certain book I am reading has a sheet in the back of it where library patrons can leave their thoughts. Now I will say this book is not for the delicate reader (think Jodi Piccoult's "The Tenth Circle") but it is certainly not smut. More of a realistic look at the underbelly of teen life albeit a bit graphic in its opening. So this poor soul was so appalled that ten pages into it, he or she had to put it down. Their eyes! Their fragile sensibilities!

So what does this reader do? Writes "filthy crap" in the comments section about the book. For some reason, this tickled me today. You abhor the content of the book but your intelligent response is to write "filthy crap"? Heck in some circle, your second word could be construed as ... dare I say ... swearing!

So there you go ... I am reading a book about filthy crap. If you didn't think less of me before, feel free to do it now.

Everytime we say goodbye ...

Today I had sangria with a neighbor. It felt so normal. I even felt confident that by next Spring I'd be pregnant again. Then I come home, things slow down and darn it if the sadness doesn't creep in again. I guess its always lurking in the shadows and some times I am better at keeping it at bay.

Today is a good day

Today was good. I didn't cry. I didn't wallow in self pity. There wasn't much physical or emotional pain. I laughed. I spent time with a good friend and with my family. I read a book.

Tomorrow could be horrible but TODAY was good.

Membership

I am in a club that I would never ask you to join. The membership requires that your heart be broken into a million pieces. That you know a depth of sorrow that is unfathomable. It asks that you allow your baby to leave you -- sometimes before her first breath and sometimes right after -- and enter into Heaven. Some days you are angry at being a member. Some days you are comforted knowing you are not alone. Some days you just don't know what to feel. I don't know why I was asked to be in this club. Surely I didn't ask to be. I do know there is a reason and while it might not be clear today or even tomorrow, some day it will be.

If you too belong to this club, find comfort in knowing that you are surrounded in love by those who came before you. We are sorry you are here but we are always there for you.

I Will Carry You

By Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you

Born into Heaven

Myrtle Bean was born into Heaven today. Her little heart gave out. While I never got to hold her in my arms, she will always be in my heart.

Rest well, sweet baby. Mama will see you one day in Heaven.

So tired ...

Bleeding again. My next u/s isn't until Wednesday. I could go into the ER but the doctor said do that if its heavy. Which it is not. Yet. And maybe it won't be and all will be fine. Or maybe it won't be fine. I dunno. Its just hard to be on this roller coaster.

Limbo Land

Had another u/s today and Myrtle is still hanging on. She even grew a little. Her hb is still dangerously low (77 bpm). The doctor was neither negative or positive -- he said its good that she grew, that she does have a hb and the sac looks good. Its bad that the hb is so low. I have to go back weekly for u/s until something happens -- good or bad.

This is the crappy post

Where I let the blogosphere know that I am losing the baby. That's actually a dumb phrase -- losing the baby -- because I know exactly where the baby is ... not with me. Even that's only half true because I did see the wee one and its even wee'er little heartbeat and let me tell you that is the hardest part. Hardest. Knowing you have a life inside you that is slowly extinguishing. Poof.

I am not mad at God, myself, the world or anyone. Its just sucks. A big giant ball of suckiness. A big ginormous crappy ball of even crappier suckiness.

Now I am going to close my eyes and wait for the Tylenol PM to kick. My friends, tomorrow has GOT to be a better day.

A bun in the oven ...

That would be me.

But in the typical fashion that is my life, its not going well. My progesterone is really low (you need that to make the baby stick until the placenta takes over at 12 weeks). I had one incident of spotting but that is all. I am on some lovely supplements three times a day that make me want to rip off everyone's head while I gnaw on their exposed spinal column (really, it is that bad). And apparently my hCG levels aren't increasing as rapidly as the OB would like them. (If my body won't cooperate with me, why'd she think it would for her?) So at this point two things could happen: I will miscarry or I will go on to have a normal -- well normal for me -- pregnancy. I'd much prefer the latter.

If you have some time, could you send up some positive thoughts, prayers and wishes for me and the bean?

I love this ...

I love the groom rolling out from the bridal party. I love how he meets the bride halfway down the aisle to walk together. Its cheesy but fun -- better than a stiff affair full of the usual ho-hum. And I bet they had a heck of a great reception!

I'm hungry ... and lazy

First things first, if I am the only one in the house not eating ice cream, how do I end up having to clean up the ice cream eaters mess? Hmm? HMM?

Ok, on to other things ... I have been on a bit of a genre-specific reading kick lately. I can't get enough of memoirs (or even fiction novels) infused with recipes. Right now, its Molly Wizenberg's A Homemade Life. Really, is there a truer statement than "oozy chocolate is hard to beat." I love the quick, concise narratives that lead into each recipe. And unlike Julia Child, she has yet to espouse the wonders of sheep brains. (After reading Julie and Julia by Julie Power and My Life in France by Julia Child, I have little interest in French cooking. Merci beaucoup.)

By the by, Wizenberg had a blog before she had a book and you can check her out at Orangette. Even the picture at the top of her blog makes me drool. Mercy!

So now you know the hunger part of this post. The lazy part is just that -- I have been too lazy to post for some time. As I mentioned I was overwhelmed and feeling blah (which now makes more sense to me but that's for another post). We were also out of town visiting my family across the state -- a trip the kids and I will be making again tomorrow for less exciting reasons. Our dog, our first child, has to have surgery to remove a cancerous growth on her side. She is 11 years old but in otherwise perfect health (really, the vet said she was perfect before we decided to aspirate the pesky growth). So Tuesday she will have her surgery on the east side of the state where Alli has been vacationing with my Mom for several months (another long story for another post).



So that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Overwhelmed

I haven't felt much like posting this week. I feel anxious and overwhelmed for no good reason particularly since I have no pressing plans (unless you count the laundry which has now taken me a week to complete -- and not because there was tons of it). The problem I have (maybe everyone does) is that when I feel overwhelmed, I don't press forward. I go into the previously mentioned sloth mode and do nothing. It means the kids are fed but otherwise left to their own devices (TV and computer being a favorite). I can literally feel the anxiety like a small engine humming under my skin. Its not a fun way to be but this too shall pass.

Vacation after vacation

Why is that when you go on a "relaxing" vacation, you need another vacation to recover from the vacation? Is it the mounds of laundry that pile up? The suitcases that need to be unpacked? The mail that needs to be sorted? Errands to be run?

I dunno. Whatever it is ... I need a vacation after my vacation!

Today I am planning to do nothing outside of the occasional load of laundry. There are lots of things I should do but nothing I will do.

If you look for me today, this is what you will see:

Happy 4th of July!

From the deck at our condo in Myrtle Beach (look closely and you can see the ocean behind the kids)...

Beached out

Life on the beach ...

Need I say more?

Perhaps maybe this ...

Free Paint

Go get you some: Free Paint

Happy Father's Day, Mom!

I am 33. It has been 15 years since I legally became an adult. Therefore, I find it ironic (and highly appropriate) that this weekend my Mom received a child support check from my dad. Happy Father's Day, Mom! You certainly deserve the honor ... and the money.

QOTD: Future careers for your kids

If you were to guess right now, what would you guess your child(ren)'s future career will be?

Jacob will be an astrophysicist or something related to space that doesn't involve direct contact with people and lots of computer time. He will probably volunteer to be in the first colony on Mars - as long as their is Internet access, cable TV and chocolate milk.

Molly will be the dictator of a small third world country where she can make everyone simultaneously worship AND hate her. Or perhaps she will be the next Anna Wintour (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Wintour). Either way, she will rule.

Autism Acceptance or Autism Eradication?

"It is incomprehensible to me how a parent can advocate for awareness while making every attempt to eradicate autism. While they are advocating for modalities that allegedly recover their children from autism, what does this do to the efforts of those of us who are simultaneously advocating for awareness and social acceptance?"

From Adonya Wong at Healing ... Through the Eyes of Autism

Wings to fly ...

Tonight, Jacob has the opportunity to spend the night at camp. He, surprisingly, is wanting to do it. He tends to be a bit of a "mama's boy" at times -- he cries if I am not there to read to him before bed. So this is a big step -- dare I say a glimpse of his burgeoning independence? Ack. I don't know if I am ready to let him go. I know its cliche to say but I swear it was just yesterday that he was just a chubby toddler. And what about his promise to live with me forever and sleep in my bed until he is 25? (Yes, I know .. its a little weird ... but he was so earnest in saying it.)

Jacob and I have an extremely close relationship. Perhaps its because he was my first child and for almost three years it was just him. He was the one who divided my life into pre-motherhood and motherhood. Perhaps its our shared interests. We both love computers and reading. We can both be stubborn and will only dig in deeper the more you push us.

I really don't know what it is but I find his growing up to be so hard. I want him to find his own way but at the same time I don't want to let go of him. I don't plan to become one of those obsessive Moms -- I promise I will push him out of the nest long before he is 25. But sometimes I wish I could stop time for just a minute so that we can cuddle longer and read more stories together. Because today I got a glimpse of that not-so-distant future when I will no longer be the center of his universe.

(And this is the post my future daughter-in-law will point to when she tells him why she can't stand me, LOL.)

Your Love is Strong ...

The first time I heard the song "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman, I was instantly attracted to the raw emotion of it. Its a great song and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

The post in which you suddenly become insanely jealous of my life ...

My kids are gone all day every day this week at camp. From 7:40 a.m. to 5:20 p.m., I am blissfully and totally ALONE.

My plans so far are to do a lot of nothing followed by another heaping scoop of more nothing. Well, I might throw in some reading (Pretty in Plaid by Jen Lancaster - funniest writer EVER), movie watching (Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns) and I will exercise. But only when I want to exercise and definitely not early in the morning.

I might even nap. Naps are my friend and I haven't hung out with my friend in a few weeks.

Did I mention Dave is gone all week too? (And if you are a stalker or a murderer or robber, don't think this is an open invite to come over -- I have mad kung-fu skills AND I am from Detroit. I could hurt you. Bad.)

I would keep blogging but I think it constitutes as doing something -- and that's just not on the agenda this week. ;)

Are you waiting?

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5-6 (NIV)

We are all waiting on something -- the laundry to be done, the new job to come, the economy to change, our relationships to get better and countless other things. If you know me well enough, you have an idea of what I am waiting for right now. Sometimes, as my friend's Dad used to say, the minutes seem like hours. The tricky part of waiting, especially when it involves something major, is to remain faithful that God has it under control. We start to bargain with Him, plead with him and otherwise question His perfect timing. Sometimes we even reject Him and try to handle things on our own. I suppose in a way that is what makes us human -- the constant desire to be in control of all things. I wish I could wave a magic wand and everything I wait on would appear.

Then again, I wonder if part of the joy in it finally happening is because of the waiting.

The little green monster

What do you do when jealousy rears its ugly head and sets up camp in your heart? I have to admit, I am struggling with a bit of it myself right now. I've gotten myself into a situation (emotionally speaking) that I said I would not. Instead of lifting someone up, I am wanting to knock them down. What do you when Mr. Green comes to your house? I've prayed to God to remove the sin from my heart but I have to admit, its still lurking.

I noticed ...

I get a lot more hits when I tick people off. Or at least talk about people ticking me off. Guess its true -- drama rules. I need to think of something new and dramatic to write about. For now, I will leave you with some pictures of the kids from our trip to the zoo. Moments after these pictures were taken, the kids freaked out ... because well 100 birds is really flippin' freaky. Not to mention the exponential potential for getting pooped on.

My new love ... don't tell Dave!

I have a new love in my life. This love makes me feel pretty. It knows exactly what I need and want. Even better, its sitting right next to me and its NUDE ... I am even willing to share a picture of this new love in my life:



WAIT! As lovely as the model may be, she is not my new love. No, my heart belongs to the tank top she is wearing ... the Yummie Tummie tank. (Mine is nude color.)

I heard some buzz about these tanks on a few blogs -- they promise to rid you of your muffin top (without plastic surgery or a crash diet). I had to try it. Despite working out six days a week and watching what I eat, I can't seem to get rid of the muffin top. So when it came in the mail this morning, I was eager to try it on.

And guess what ... its all true! I am wearing it right now and the muffin top is hiding and the tummy is flat. Now I don't recommend you forgo a healthy lifestyle for a Yummie Tummie but if you are like me and need a little extra help, this is the product for you.

Athlete, I am not.

The neighbors were hosting an impromptu kids versus adults baseball game this evening. I gladly signed up for head cheerleader as my athletic skills are nil. Seriously, my own mother begged my gym teacher to let me sit out for everything but the most necessary of activities. Instead, I sorted his countless baseball cards. I wasn't even very good at that since I distinctly remember tripping over my own feet and dropping them all.

School's out for summer ...

Its the first day of summer vacation and the weather is not cooperating. Its cool, rainy and 58 degrees. We had a busy weekend so I think one day of vegging out is just what the doctor ordered. As it is, June looks to be busy, busy and more busy between summer camps, visits from family and friends, and our second annual Myrtle Beach trip. July and August are filling up as well.

I am not sure how I feel about being so busy because it means summer will fly by. But the alternative is a long, boring summer where the kids and I get on each other's nerves. I pick option A. ;)

Baby steps ...

Someone recently called me a "baby Christian" after hearing I was just baptized in 2006. I know the term is sometimes used to describe new Christians or those who are "stuck" in their walk early on. The term ruffles my feathers especially when referring to a new Christians.

My issues is that it sets up a superior/inferior relationship amongst people. "You are a baby, I am the adult" so therefore more mature than the person being called the "baby". Am I a new(er) believer? Yes. Do I have a long way to go to becoming more Christ like? Absolutely. Does that make me a baby? No.

It doesn't matter if you are a new believer or grew up in the church, if we are still on earth we have a long way to go in our walk. Life is a continuous learning process for everyone. I have just as much to learn from someone who has been a Christian for 60 years as I do someone who has been one for 60 minutes. Every person brings their unique perspective and personality into their Christian life. Look at Paul -- he was a new believer but he was no "baby" in his walk with Christ.

Instead of attempting to label someone, how about next time you try listening and learning something from them instead? You might just be amazed at what they have to say.

Winner of the book ...

is Catherine!

Congratulations to you! I will be sending your book out shortly. :)

Thanks to all who commented. It was fun to run a contest so I will be doing it again in the future.

Cold Tangerines

When I am not busy writing about celebrities, I like to spend as much time as I can reading a good book (and sometimes a not-so-good book). A neighbor recommended Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. I haven't had the chance to read the book but the excerpts on her page have piqued my interest. I think this book will fall into the good category.



Shauna is graciously giving away copies of her book to anyone who comments on it via Facebook, Twitter, their blog or possibly even sky writing (though you'd have to officially verify that last option with her). Since Shauna is sharing, I figure I might as well do it too. (Ok, this was her idea, not mine.) Comment on this post with your the name and artist of a song that makes you think of your child (or children). Shauna writes about a song that reminds her of her oldest son in the book. I will randomly pick a winner through very official means -- your name in a hat pulled out by my lovely assistant Molly.

In case you are wondering what I would say, I can't hear "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by The Beatles without thinking of the drive to the NICU to visit my Molly. It was one of the songs I'd sing to myself in the car. It was a nice upbeat song during a scary time.

Get in shape, girl!

(Thanks to Catherine for reminding me of that bit of 1980s nostalgia.)

I am a bit of a celebrity news junkie. Its not one of my prouder hobbies but one I am willing to admit (its all about transparency, my friends). So anyway, there's a little buzz about Melissa Joan Hart having lost weight recently (I know you are thinking WHO? Its Sabrina the Teenage Witch, folks). She was 155 pounds (gasp!) and now is 113 pounds. She did a front page article for People magazine talking about how fat she felt blah blah blah.



There are so many things about the article that I could complain about so I will start with this: The media again is pushing the idea that skinny is better. Poor Melissa was miserable being an average-size (yes, 12 is average in the U.S.) but look how happy she is now that she is at the low end of her BMI (even at 5'2 she is near the bottom end of her healthy weight). Good gravy! The woman had just given birth to a child. It takes nine months to gain and nine months to lose. Unless of course you are in Hollywood and you lose it in two days. What happened to promoting healthy habits for teenage girls? Is that so yesterday? I understand that obesity is an issue in the U.S. However, the answer to obesity is not going to the other extreme. I eat fairly well and I exercise six days a week. I am not a pencil nor will I ever be one. Being healthy and in shape does not mean you have to be a size 0.

The other issue that rubs me wrong is that she is getting accolades for having lost the weight. People, she is a celebrity -- granted a B- or even C-lister. She has a personal trainer, a nutritionist, a chef and a nanny to watch her kids while she works out. I don't care what anyone says, its easier for her (or any celebrity). Why should we applaud her? I'd rather applaud my friends with their two, three or four kids and no nanny who still manage to exercise. Their personal trainer is a DVD of Jillian Michaels and they are their own chef. Those are the women who really have to work hard at exercising and being healthy because there is no one to help them.

I will applaud Melissa -- and any other celebrity -- once she has to do it on their own. Until then -- sorry to say -- I am not impressed.

Laying it out for ya ...

If you come to this blog expecting some great moral discussions, you will surely be disappointed. If you came expecting me to wax poetic about a great political matter, you might want to leave now. In fact, if you came with any expectations you will probably not have them met. There are a ton of great bloggers out there who do a much better job. I am not telling you stop visiting my blog -- by all means stop by if all you are looking for is random moments in my life and mind. I got ya covered on that one. I am not even saying that I won't sometimes delve into issues deeper than whether a refrigerator is a TV or not. There are some topics near and dear to my heart that fire me up at times. For now, though, those issues are not the sole focus of this blog -- more like parts of the bigger whole.

So lower your expectations, sit back and enjoy the peek into my cluttered mind.

What a great idea!

I saw this program on the Today Show this morning and I think its a wonderful idea.

Operation Special Delivery provides volunteer doulas to the wives or partners of deployed soldiers, severely injured soldiers or those who have lost their life. If you don't know what a doula is it is a person who provides emotional and physical support to the laboring woman.

Check out their website and consider donating to them.

Allergies

Jake had a second round of allergy testing. To say he was upset would be an understatement. He is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, grass, trees, dust mites, cats, dogs, horses, corn, wheat and oats. I am sure I am missing a few from the list. I should probably build him a bubble to live in.

MADSEN Cycles Link Contest

Follow the link. I want to win this for a friend:

Whatever

If you read the paper or watch the news, you've most likely heard about the Jon & Kate controversy. It is a hot mess. Now family members are coming out to defend the rights of the kids.



I find it a little suspect that these "loving" family members are speaking out now -- especially since Aunt Jodi pocketed $30K to do it. Me thinks they might just be suffering from the same thing that got J&K in trouble - GREED.

Parental blunderisms

A common refrain in our household when I was growing up was: "It's a fridge not a television, shut the door." Well they say you become your parents (I'll pass on the alcoholism, thanks) so I guess its natural that I found myself saying the same thing to Molly. Except when it came out of my mouth, it sounded more like: "Shut the door, that's not a refrigerator."

Uh, oops.

P.S. I also told my kids to go play on the Davison Freeway but I was kidding. Not sure of my parents were ...

33 years young ...

Happy Birthday to me.

Do me a favor ...

The summer months are upon us (finally) and that means more time outside. Our bodies will be wearing less and exposing more to the harmful rays of the sun. ALWAYS WEAR SUNSCREEN. ALWAYS. Slather yourself and slather your kids. Don't even assume if you have darker skin that you are safe. Did you know Bob Marley died at 36 from melanoma? While those with more melatonin in their skin are less susceptible, they are not immune. I want you in my life for the next 10 years, 20 years and beyond ... So make sure you are protected when you go out today!

P.S. If I have to tell you who Bob Marley is, remove 10 points from your coolness factor.

Jillian Michaels is evil

I am on Day 9 of Jillian's "30 Day Shred". A group of us are doing it "together" or as much as you can when you only meet online. It has really helped me to have a group to be accountable to about exercising. I haven't seen any changes in my body (possibly a one-pound weight loss)but my energy level is so much better. I've also added in a B Complex vitamin which is supposed to increase energy and metabolism. I want to finish the 30 days then move on to a new video as well as walking. Right now, its enough to do the 30-Day Shred without collapsing in a heap. If you have seen the video you will really understand this: I have a horrible desire to knock Natalie over. *snicker*

Not Me! Monday

I did not attend my final MOPS meeting of the season and get a manicure and eyebrow waxing -- for free!


I do not think my MOPS leaders are the best -- and not just for the free salon services. I am not signed up to be the new crafts leader and I am not scared to replace the current one (who did an awesome job). I did not let Molly have a doughnut as soon as we got home. And I did not get a birthday check from my in-laws -- of which I will not spend every. single. penny. on me.

So what did you NOT do today?

Building strong children

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
~Frederick Douglass

As I write this blog post, my kids are happily playing upstairs. Their bellies are full and they have no worries about their next meal. They have an overabundance of clothes, books and toys. There is a solid roof over their heads. If they are sick tomorrow, I could take them to the doctor. They have two parents who love them with all their heart and soul. In so many ways beyond their imagination, my children are blessed. It would be hard for them to fathom a reality where this was not the case.

Yet for so many children in the United States and around the world, there is no imagining. This is their reality. Every day is a struggle for even the most basic of needs. I can't pretend to know what its like to be a child struggling with extreme poverty here in the U.S. or in an impoverished country. But I do know what it is like to be poor. I know what it means to be hungry. I know what it means to worry about what tomorrow will bring.

When my dad left our family, he left it in shambles. We were lucky to have a house given to us by my Grandma. That's a blessing most people can't even imagine. What we didn't have was very much money. My Mom made $12,000 a year to support three people -- which would actually make us rich by most third world countries. But we were in the U.S. and we struggled. We stretched our food and our clothes to make them last. We had no health insurance for several years -- and of course I managed to need emergency services twice in that time. Its a true testament to my Mom that my brother and I are now both college graduates.

We are two of the lucky ones. Not all stories have a happy ending. I wish that every single child in this world could go to sleep happy and content like my children. While I know this is probably a reality not for my time, I try to help even in small ways. There are hundreds of ways that you can get involved. Right now, I am focusing my energies on two of them: Compassion International and Project Archangel Julie: School Feeding Program in Maai Mahiu, Kenya.

As you tuck your children in tonight, think about a child across the world -- or even down the road -- who is not as lucky. Then do something about it.

Three Things Thursday

It's another great addition of ...



You can write about any three random things that come to your pretty little mind - be it totally silly or completely serious. Then drop by the blog of Michelle, inventor of the Three Things Thursday and all-around super person, to let her know you did.

Without further ado, my three things are ... countries I want to visit before I go to Heaven. I've never traveled outside of the U.S. except to Canada. Given the fact that I grew up 10 minutes from the Canadian border (and my closest option was Windsor) it never felt any different than visiting ... say Ohio. I will say Toronto rocks as a big city. Anyway, back to the list.

1. England. I think this is a good first option for the foreign language impaired. There won't be (much of) a language barrier.

2. India. A country that is as beautiful as it is destitute. I have such a soft spot in my heart for the people and culture of this country.

3. New Zealand and Australia. Okay, technically two countries but if you are going to travel that far you might as well hit them both.

So there you go ... further insights into the wacky mind that is mine.

Wordless Wednesday

On medicine and melodrama ...

So much about being a parent is just guessing. I want to do what's right for my kids but half the time I barely know they need. I try, I really do. Most of the time all I can do is just pray to God that I am doing right by them. So it was with a fairly heavy heart and some reservations that we made a (possibly) life-altering decision for Jacob. We started him on an ADHD medicine this morning. I am not against medicine and I think it can be very helpful. I couldn't survive a day without the medicines I take. But this is my child and no matter how helpful medicines are to a person there is the potential for side effects. The idea of Jacob taking medicine for his condition came up a few years ago. We pushed it aside then to see if we could make it without going that route. Unfortunately, its become clearer in the past few months that he needs help. Not help to make him easier for us or his teachers to handle. He needed help for himself. You can't help but hurt to see your child so obviously out of control of his own body, his own brain. Its like his behavioral pediatrician said: "He is like an engine with its idle set to high." Even my Mom noticed it this past weekend. He is more impulsive, more antsy and just more out of control.

So we consulted with his behavioral pediatrician about what the options were for him. I trust his doctor implicitly. He is not a medicine pusher and he looks out solely for the best interests of Jacob. This is just a trial run for the medicine. If it doesn't help him, we will stop it. If he hates it, we will stop it. If it works and helps Jacob, then great. He is already a very bright child. (And that's not just Mama talking. He has tested higher than 85 percent of the second graders in reading and math on a national test. His reading level tested above the fifth grade level. He's in first grade.) What I hope is that this medicine can help him control himself and therefore help with his social immaturity. For all his brain smarts, he lags behind his peers in social skills. This is not unusual for a kid with an autism spectrum disorder.

I know some of you might be thinking this is all a bit melodramatic and it could be. Its hard not to feel emotional when this is something you and your spouse have wrestled with for years. In the end, all you can do is hope my kids realize I did the best I could for them - and I always did it in love.

Mother of the Year

Its nice to finally be appreciated.

Mom of the Year Award

Three Things Thursday

Three things I am thinking right ...

1.) Is Jake pretending to be sick? He slept late and said he didn't feel well. I kept him home with the understanding that he will not be going to the arcade tonight. His school is sponsoring a Mother and Son event at a local arcade tonight. We had tickets and he had been excited to attend. He said he doesn't care to miss it so maybe he really is sick.

2.) Do I have to get weighed at my new doctor? I really hope not. I ordered the 30 Day Shred after a few of my online friends were buzzing about it. I have not started it yet. I loathe the scale.

3.) Can I take a nap? I have been on a new medicine and it is kicking my butt. I have the energy level of a sloth. I could sleep all day and still feel tired. I am hoping my new doctor (see #2) will put me on something new.

So what three things do you want to share today?

Prayers needed

My friend's little baby Dylan has to have heart surgery to repair his aorta. Without knowing technical jargon, I can explain it as his aorta is collapsing. If it completely collapses, he will die. The doctors are meeting today to discuss a plan of action for the surgery. Ultimately, I ask that you pray for Dylan to have a complete healing. Also pray for guidance for the doctors in making the best decision. Please pray for Dylan's family to have peace during this time.

If Dante were alive ...

I think he would have added a tenth circle of Hell called: "Watching a cartoon based on the game Candyland with your daughter."



Truly terrifying.

Jacob Einstein

They want to move Jacob into third grade next year (from first) so they can start him in the gifted and talented program. He has already completed all of the first and second grade reading and math curriculum. He took a standardized national tests and he was in the high 80th percentile nationally for second graders.

This all hinges on us helping him to get his behavior under control. They'd like us to trial him on an ADHD med (something we had on the back burner) to see if it helps with his impulsiveness. Since he has the academics down, the only thing holding him back is his behavior.

My head feels a little whirly right now -- its a lot to take in. I skipped second grade and I found it hard in terms of "rites of passage" moments (driver's license, turning 21, etc.). His birthday is earlier so it won't be as hard for him but still. Do I want to do that to him? At the same time, he is bored at school and they are doing everything they can to challenge him. Do I want him to try meds? We have noticed his impulsiveness increasing lately. This might help at school and at home.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

I really need to pray, pray, pray (and you can pray for us too!)

It's funny right ...

It's so funny when your kid tells his Sunday school teacher that she is a "sadistic kid hater". Funny, right? Start laughing and telling me its funny or I MIGHT JUST HAVE A PARENTING BREAKDOWN.

Ok, thankyouverymuch.

Get your kid a pet ...

I really recommend you get your child a pet. Its such an amazing and educational experience for them to have one. We have two hamsters named Princess and Nibbles (and technically a dog but she prefers my Mom to us -- go figure). Since owning these sweet little rodents, my children have learned a lot of useful life lessons. For example, they have also learned about their olfactory sense when walking into a room with a cage that hasn't been cleaned in a two weeks. My kids have acquired colorful language skills while watching their mother attempt to remove the hamsters from the cage. They have learned household skills such as vacuuming up teeny little poop from the floor. And last, but not least, they have learned first aid skills when the sweet little hamsters decide to bite their mother when she attempts to remove them from their stinky cages to clean them.

One lesson we have yet to experience is the circle of life. However, if the hamster give mother a hard time again, she will feed them to a neighborhood cat. And then we will have that lesson completed.

Closed for the season ...

Molly, upon seeing the empty parking lot at our church, remarked: "Church must be closed for the season." Apparently. she sees church as something akin to an amusement park. Our last church was pretty large and often referred to as "Six Flags over Jesus". So maybe that's where she got it from. (I'm kidding ... no hate mail from my friends at Southeast.) Also, as my friend pointed out (Hi Katie), we were going to have her vision tested so maybe that was the problem. What she saw as empty, was actually a full parking lot.

All this nonsense brings me to one point: Aren't you glad that God is never closed for the season? His love and grace is available to us 24 hours a day and 365 days out of the year. He never takes a vacation and He never rests. We are welcome to visit him anytime and anywhere.

"... indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep." (Psalm 121:4)

Go Orange for Stellan!

Stellan is in surgery as I type this post. Many people are putting on orange today to show their support for the little guy. Lacking any orange in my closet, I went with a picture:



Check out MckMama's blog for updates on the surgery: My Charming Kids

Hmm ...

Should I be offended that of all the men at the mall today, the one who tries to pick me up is an old drunk man? I mean, I didn't want to be picked up but still ... Maybe he could smell the alcoholism in my genes and thought we'd hit it off. He was generous enough to ask if I wanted to live with him in the treehouse located in the kid's play area. As he pointed out, we'd be right next to ice cream stand (which I'd like to point out was actually a pretzel stand).

Me! ME! MEEEE!

Is it ever OK to be selfish?

We are lead to caste off our own wants and needs to help others. We teach our children to share. Selfish is not something we want to promote.

So why this serious question today? Because I am feeling like I want to be totally selfish. Dave has been gone all week. I have spent more time outside than I normally would (being of the not so enamored with outside person). I have tried to be fun Mom to help the time pass for both the kids and myself.

Today, I want the day off. I want to do nothing but sit on my duff. I want to read a book, play on the 'puter and basically just shirk off my responsibilities. I don't want to be entertainer, comforter, feeder or anything else that requires my focus to be on anything but me.

So there ya go. Today, I am selfish.

Call CPS ...

I am the worst mother ever. I made my son go outside and play for thirty minutes ... in beautiful, warm and sunny weather. I should have let him waste the entire afternoon in the basement on the computer. That's what a good mother would do.

Amazing!

I hate to drop so many YouTube videos in my blog in one week but you have to see this amazing woman.

Susan Boyle

Not a single person in the audience expected THAT voice to come out of her. I think I even wrote her off expecting it to be a laugh. Instead, she proved that beauty is not on the exterior but instead what comes from your soul. God has blessed her with a voice that is awe-inspiring. Amazing, just amazing.

A day late and a dollar short ...

... but Happy Easter anyway!

We spent the past few days visiting our friends in Kentucky. I'd like to say the weather was better than Michigan's weather but that'd be a lie. We did have a great time in spite of it. I have yet to get my head straight after being gone for a week. So I am going to bow out now and leave you with this video. I hope you all had a blessed Easter.

And because I am mean ...

Here's an annoying earworm for you ...

Death by chlorine ...

The family is at Great Wolf Lodge in Ohio for Spring Break. There is enough chlorine in the water to kill any germs or any future germs that are considering existing. Can you be overchlorinated?



Dave took the kids to the water by himself and I am chillaxin peace. Ah, this is what a real vacation feels like.

Oh by the way ...

Did I tell you my son decided to "water" the pine tree out front? Might not of been half as bad if my neighbor didn't then post her Facebook status as:

"... just saw the funniest thing...a neighbor boy was peeing next to the pine tree! Hmmm...I wonder who it was...? Jenifer, do you have any ideas?"

See, I told you we were crazy. I will defend myself by saying it was not on my watch. Dave gets the credit for allowing this mishap.

Getting back to my roots ...

The Polish Ghetto Queen is taking the Prince and Princess back to her homeland this weekend -- aka Detroit. I am sure the neighbors will be happy that the craziness factor will be reduced when we leave.

I'm just saying ...

If your whole focus is on "curing" or "recovering" your child and you make mention of them being "damaged" all the time ... How do you think that makes your child feel?

Me, I prefer to see my son as wonderful and unique. Exactly the person God intended him to be. (And cute even when he makes silly faces ...)



"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

Happy Mail!

I ordered a pink beaded bracelet tester from Hooked on Homemade and it came in the mail today. I think its the perfect look for Spring -- earthy and delicate.

Three Things Thursday

There are three things I need to get done today:

1. Go to the library. I've got things to return and holds to pick up. Yesterday, the library and I were not getting along. The customer service there is not optimal and I got a little perturbed (enough to write a complaint email). But I love reading too much to stay mad for a long time.

2. Go to the post office to mail a present (part of a swap that is long overdue to be mailed) and an Ebay sale (three Hanna Andersson dresses that would be more like crop tops for Molly now).

3. Wash clothes for our upcoming trips. The kids and I are going to visit my Mom this weekend. We will come home for a day and then head south to Great Wolf Lodge for two days. The kids (and I) are excited for our first trip there. Jake asked me last night what the first thing we could do there was and I told him anything he wants. :)

Wordless Wednesday

I hate writing clever titles.

What do you do when you start reading a book and it doesn't grab you? It used to be that I felt guilty unless I finished it. Nowadays, I cut myself some slack and move on. I've got a pile of books to read so there is no sense in wasting time on one that doesn't grab me. Most recently I tried reading Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer. I read through 60 pages and I still wasn't interested in the characters. I think part of my issue is that Wolitzer uses minimal spoken dialogue and instead relies heavily on internal dialogue. After awhile, I felt like I was reading one long run on sentence. I am hoping the next book in the pile will hold my interest to the end.

Hear our prayer ...

Lord,

I am lifting up Stellan and MckMama to you today. I am praying that you can heal his tiny heart and give him rest. Please bring his family peace especially MckMama who has tirelessly been by his side. Please let her and her family feel the embrace of thousands of people lifting them up in prayers. Stellan needs another miracle and You are the God of miracles. I am asking for You to do one in his life. Ultimately, I know Your will and Your plans are far greater than anything we can imagine. The plans You have for Stellan are great no matter what they may be.

Amen.

Behold the Amazing Mommy!

Molly thinks its amazing that I can predict what will be on the channel before it actually comes on. One day she will realize there is a guide but for now I like to keep her thinking I am all that. And a bag of rice.

P.S.

I got my copy of Heather Armstrong's book "It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita". I am pretty behind in my reading list but I am super excited to read her book. For those of you not familiar with her, (and you like funny, and honest writers) go visit her blog at dooce.com to acquaint yourself.

This is funny, right? Right!?!

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I drive both kids to school. We drop off Jacob and then head to Molly's preschool. The schools are about 10 minutes apart, so not too bad. About halfway to Molly's school, it dawns on me that we are heading to Molly's school. Not Jacob's school. I forgot to take him to school! He was quietly reading his "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" book in the back seat. Now Jacob being late can throw off his entire day especially if he thinks it was his fault. So I made a point to say how funny it was and that it was totally my fault. He was more than happy to tell everyone we saw walking in that it was my fault (including the vice principal). Oh well, all's well that ends well.

Wordless Wednesday

Stellan's Gallery

Stellan is still very ill. As another blogger said, "Let's storm the gates of heaven on Stellan's behalf." Continue to send up your prayers on Stellan's behalf.

This is not the first time Stellan has suffered from heart issues. While he was still in the womb, MckMama was told he would die. During that time, many of the MckMama followers decided to make a Stellan Name gallery so he could feel the world surrounding him in prayer. Lauren, of Knowing Norrah, has decided its time for another Stellan gallery.

Go over and do your own entry for the Stellan Name Gallery! Let Mckmama and Stellan know we are all praying for them.

Baby Stellan needs prayers ...

Please visit MckMamma's blog My Charming Kids and let her know you are praying for Baby Stellan.

Oops!

Did anyone see (or hear) President Obama's gaffe on the Tonight Show? If not, he referred to his bad bowling being like Special Olympics.



I really, really think he just made a bad choice. He is a wonder with words and this is so out of character for him. I would go so far as to say I have made lighthearted remarks about Jacob's autism. I don't do it to demean him (or anyone else with autism). In fact, his idiosyncrasies are something I admire and I think will make him an awesome scientist one day. So maybe this is like when someone talks about your family -- you can do it, but if someone else does all heck breaks loose.

What do you think?

Snore!

Look (and listen)! I birthed me a grizzly bear:

How I spent my week ...

This picture pretty much sums it up:




Molly has been sick since Monday afternoon. It sucks because we haven't been able to do anything (and the weather was glorious). Of course, I imagine it sucks a lot more for her since she's the one spending most of the day with her head in the toilet. I have to give her credit -- outside of one instance of puking on the neighbor's driveway, she makes it to the toilet every time. Impressive. I seem to recall that when I was her age, I never made it the two steps from my bedroom to the bathroom without decorating the wall. (Sorry Mom and Grandma.)

Did I mention if it get two feet from her, she freaks out. She just came out of her Kipper video induced stupor and realized I was gone. Bye!

Not ME! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not have a sick boy yesterday and now a sick girl this afternoon. I did not let sick boy stay home from school to only have him be totally symptom free. I did not then take both kids to a candy store.


(To be continued ...)

The sick girl did not vomit all over my neighbor's driveway while she was barbecuing. She has not since thrown up two more times.



I am not feeling sorry for myself because while my neighbors all very nice to me, it doesn't go any deeper than the occasional chat. I am not really missing my friends in Kentucky.

I did not just realize that my shoes I wore today made my feet stink. Hmm, maybe stinky feet and vomiting kids are why I am not so popular.

And I most assuredly am not going to go have a glass of w(h)ine.

Free is good ...

In honor of her 100th post, my friend Michelle is giving away a free t-shirt from her own awesome line of shirts. Stop and visit her! And to think that all you get here is my undying love and devotion.

Call me a prude ...

But nothing ruins a good book for me faster than gratuitous and overly described sex scenes.

That's a nap!

Molly was nice enough to let me take a nap this afternoon. She was going to look at books and watch the TV in my room while I caught a few minutes of shut eye. And I guess, technically, you could say I did nap. I was laying down and my eyes did in fact shut. However, every time I got to that sweet sleep place, Molly decided it was imperative to ask me a question. Oh well.

My baby turned seven this weekend. He promises he will still live with me until he is 25 years old and still want to sleep in my bed.

I have been thinking lately about being a mother and how much it isn't what I expected. A better way to say it is that I am surprised at my reaction to motherhood. When I was pregnant with my first, I had some expectations for what it would be like to have a child. Of course, a 10-month battle with colic and a two-month premature nervous system pretty much eliminated those fantasies. But even that didn't really surprise me as much as my own reaction to being a Mom. I thought I would slide into the role with no looking back. Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I will protect them like a Mama Bear does her cubs. But sometimes I catch myself looking back into the past and wishing for that freedom. There are times when motherhood fits me like a too-tight dress, squashing the person on the inside. Am I overly selfish or is it natural to feel this way? I see some people who completely lose themselves in their role as Mom and I feel a little jealous. I wish it came that easy for me. You'd think after seven years, it would. Still, everyday, I find myself struggling a bit against what *I* want and what my role as mother demands.

Prayers

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy ..."

Prayers go out to the families of those lost in the plane crash in Buffalo, NY.

Probably not a wise choice ...

It is probably not a good idea when you're husband is out of town and you have an active imagination ... to read a book about Vlad the Impaler and vampires. I am reading The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. It a very subtly creepy book but creepy nonetheless.

At least I haven't locked myself and the kids in the bedroom ... yet.

Not Me ...

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not contemplate setting my alarm clock ahead an hour so I could get the kids to sleep earlier last night.

I did not go to the grocery store to get milk and walk out having spent $60.

I did not bribe my daughter to nap (really I didn't but I am about to do it).

I did not consider letting my son stay home from school so I could sleep an extra 30 minutes.

What about you? What did you not do today?

I am just saying ...

It's a little weird when your daughter pretends her gum is pleading "Don't eat me" before she pops it in her mouth.

Ida Interdonato, 1920-2009

Dave's Grandma passed away this morning. While we weren't totally blindsided, it still came as a shock. We were still hoping she would get better and go home. The only comfort is knowing she is in Heaven with her husband. So while we grieve, there is a sense of comfort in knowing she is resting in God's presence.



"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Biggest Loser

I am doing a Biggest Loser inspired competition with some women from my MOPS group. I was really spurred on when I went to the doctor and my weight was hovering in the pregnancy weight area -- and I am not pregnant. Of course, my scale at home was kinder and I choose to focus on THAT weight. Still I need to drop some poundage so here I am almost a week into it. Instead of following a "diet", I am trying to just eat sensibly. If I go to a function and there are treats, I will have one instead of five. No seconds at meal time. And major cutback on the soda.

So wish me luck and slap my hand if you see me reaching for an extra cookie.

Grandma update

Got this email from my FIL ...

Hi,

I dropped Mom at the hospital early this morning and went in to see Grandma for a short time. They have replaced the stomach drain tube with a smaller feeding tube. When I left a respiratory nurse was beginning a two hour test to see if they can take her off the ventilator. The start of it appeared to me to be going well.

Grandma is very alert but of course cannot speak because of the tubes. She recognizes everyone and waved goodbye to be me as I left to go to work.

That's all I know at the moment. Will keep you posted.

Love,

Dad